Monday, January 29, 2007
Yesterday you told me i always misunderstood your meanings.. say maybe we were really not meant to be... i grow sad and hurt as you started to act everything is ok. Peircing my heart each time you mention i dump you. So now i am friends with you. I respect that you don't wanna lose contact with me although i really want some cool down period from you.
I try to act normally.
Seeing if you had really changed, seeing if you have becoming a bit more mature and sensible. It pains me so much to contact you as a friend because you always say hurtful words without knowing and i can't blame you. I kept quiet coz i still care. You ask me awkward qn like "do you still love me" i answer you honestly though it hurts . Now even when we are not attached anymore.. i am still getting hurt.
you say you've changed so whats with the sensitivity?
I was just studying and you say i am cold to you. What do you want from me! i don't know!!!
i never knew from a start..
one moment you are all cheery and nice, next you are vunerable and sensitive...
i am no longer your GF i don't wanna argue with you. i don't wanna console you and act like we are attached. I am trying to recover but its getting harder every moment. When you act this way.. all the more its hard for me.
What do you expect from me? i am human! i have emotions... can't i have my right to wanna protect myself a bit when i am already giving in to you most of the time? just a bit of distance for now... what do you want? what must i do? i hate this feeling! i hate that i have to answer and satisfy you when i did all i can... i really don't know our future.. i can't concentrate.. i wanna just get away but i can't ... this just suckx and no one is here to comfort me. .. you said you are alone..
but u know what... it is even harder for me becoz i have to carry a smile so i won't hurt my friends and i don't wanna smile!
i am not ok!
i wasn't ok ever since we broke up!
ever since i realise i can't go on!
i am answerable to everyone ard me. but you are only answerable to yourself. So if you can't deal with it! what makes you think i can! i wanna scream! i am breaking down and nobody can help me.. becoz its my emotions!
i yawned @ 5:04 PM;
