Sunday, October 15, 2006
went out with louis yesterday.. at first my mood was fantastic.. dressed up .. went to fix my phone.. all happy and hyper.. than i meet up with cara.. she told me she just had this feeling that it won't be the same.. so being positive... i tell her don't think too much..
when louis came.. he had a glum face.. he didn't wanna talk.. throughout the day he spoke very little.. not a single smile.. so i thought:"why don't we go first.. he need some time to think over.. maybe he has some problems and need to go over it himself..i am not gonna interrupt him again making the same mistakes over" so we did.. we left him alone.. msg him and told him the reason i did that and that we love him..
Failed! I totally Failed as a friend.. After reading his blog i know there is no turning back.. sorry louis.. i Failed.. failed so terribly..
i thought you will give our friendship a chance.. i thought you will understand that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and deserves a chance.. i tried to put the broken pieces together.. i thought it will be ok... but we don't exist in your life story anymore..
all night .. i tried to erase this horrible feeling with dom and YG.. having dom there helped...but when i was left in the bus alone to go home.. i cried again.. images of hurting myself appeared again and i know i can't do them.. This is tearing me apart..
it's time! i will let it end... may you find yourself a new home that makes no mistakes..
Caring too much, brings too much pain.. too muchsins can't be erase not even with death..Sorry lord.. but i do not have the will to liveif you may.. take me away.. i've been through enough.. at work at home at heart.. stop playing me please!!!! i beg you!!!!
i yawned @ 2:04 PM;
